Feedback is one of the most critical aspects of behavior change. Because it comes after a behavior, it is a consequence. However, there is much more to feedback than simply, “Let me tell you how you can do better.”

When you hear this phrase, you most likely feel a pit in your stomach because, chances are, your history with feedback has been adverse.  However, delivered deliberately, feedback can not only be seen as positive; it can be heard and implemented effectively.

Best Practices for Delivering Feedback

Delivering helpful feedback is more complicated than it seems. It’s more than “Good job!” or “You did this wrong.” It is a skill that many people can improve. Performance reviews are often negative experiences for people because of the delivery and frequency. So when you are giving feedback to your child or spouse/partner, here are some tips:

1) Immediate feedback is usually best; however, consider the level of emotion involved. Sometimes it is best to give some time so all parties are de-escalated and can be objective.

2) Consider where you are at that moment. If the tv is on or another distraction is happening, there may be better times to provide feedback.

3) Avoid the ‘sandwich’ of good statements where the corrective statement comes between two good statements. The goodwill most likely not be heard.

4) Assume positive intent and do not blame. Say what you saw and/or what happened in the environment that may have evoked the behavior.  Communicate at a level all parties understand.

5) Avoid lecturing.

6) Research shows a 4:1 ratio when providing feedback. That is four positive reinforcement statements to every one corrective statement.

Remember, providing feedback is a skill and takes practice.